My belly button is gone.
In just a few days time, my belly has popped out. I wore a non-maternity sweater on Monday and no fewer than three people at work came up to me and put their hands on my stomach. (Which is a total invasion of personal space and makes me uncomfortable, but I try to let it go, for the most part, since it’s not a big deal.) It tells me that I no longer look fat, but pregnant (which is fine by me).
I ordered a Lands’ End diaper bag yesterday, in black (per George’s request) and am pretty excited about it. I also found some nifty side-snap t-shirts at a baby resale shop last Saturday for $.50 each, along with several fleece sleepers and a couple of gowns with gathered bottoms. I only spent about $5 total, so I’m pretty happy with my haul.
I’m overwhelmed by cloth diapering options, and it seems the more research I do, the more overwhelmed I get. I need to call my one sister-in-law and get some info from her on what worked best on her kids. I know every kid is different, but I need to start somewhere.
George called me today and said, “If you were having a hypothetical baby shower, who would you hypothetically want to invite from work?… Hypothetically, of course.” (He’s got such a sense of humor.)
I was not anticipating a shower; as a matter of fact, the very idea makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s all the years of being raised to think that celebrating birthdays is equivalent to idolatry or what, but I have this serious dread of being the center of attention. All I can think about is all of times I’ve heard people say, “Oh, brother, I have a (baby/bridal) shower to go to this weekend, and I am NOT looking forward to it.” I hate the feeling that I’m imposing on people who probably could find much better things to do with a Sunday afternoon. I’d rather have lunch with my sisters-in-law and leave it at that. Besides… it feels so grabby to have a shower! I mean, if we couldn’t afford to have this baby, then we shouldn’t be having one. We shouldn’t be depending on others to provide for us. (I’ve seen this happen, and I feel it’s tacky-tacky-tacky.)
George has told me to get over it, and be appreciative… but I can’t help feeling this way. To be honest, I’m not really close to anyone at work… there are a few people I talk to, but I can’t get over that “gift-digging” feeling, and I’d hate them to say, “Why is she inviting me to her shower, I hardly know her?” The few work-people that I am close to are spread around the country. There’s one other woman in my department that I get on with very well, and I’ll invite her, but I feel guilty because she’s probably the only one from work and she’ll be stuck by herself! I do have friends from e-mail lists that I would love to invite, but again, they’re spread around the country, and I can’t imagine imposing upon them to come to Cleveland for a stinking baby shower.
Aaahh, guilt! This is craziness!
This doesn’t even take into consideration the family factor — I only speak with one sister, and she would barely know anyone there. I’ve lost touch with most of the rest of the (non-JW) family, including my Dad’s sister and my Father & step-mother, and I don’t want to be thought of as a gift-digger (“Hey! I know I haven’t talked to you in several years, but would you like to come to my baby shower?”) Nah, I don’t think so. I’d rather send them baby announcements after-the-fact.
At the same time… I don’t want to leave anyone out and have hurt feelings. No wonder one of my fellow-PG-workmates said that her upcoming shower is already promising to be very stressful on her.
I would probably fare better if George was there with me… I just might see if I can make that happen. Maybe I can claim hormonal-ness and dependency. He probably won’t buy it, since I’ve been so even-keeled. It’s worth a shot. Besides, I want to see him open the little packages. It would make it worthwhile.
Thanking God that I’ve had such an uneventful, low-risk pregnancy. I pray it continues in this vein and the worst I have to worry about is shower stuff.