12 weeks 1 day

12 weeks 1 day

It’s official – I am a full-time stay-at-home mommy. I feel a mixture of elation and worry. I really enjoyed the people I worked with, so I’m sad to leave, but it made no financial sense for me to work either full or part-time at my current job. I quit and am looking for something that’s close to home, part time and flexible. It’s imperative that I be able to work around George’s schedule, since day care is simply not an option for us. I just can’t stomach the idea of handing my child over to someone else to raise. Every time I think about leaving him, even for a few hours a few days a week, my stomach knots up and I get emotional. I can’t imagine how a mother must feel when she has to return to work full-time and put her child in daycare.

I am thinking about doing some freelance project work on the side – programming, desktop publishing, transcription, Web design, etc. All stuff I can do from home and submit completed on CD or FTP.

Aunt Kiki’s bridal shower was on Saturday, and I drove down and took the baby. Georgie was really good, didn’t mind being passed around, only fussed when he got hungry, and a quick nurse had him happy again. The trip home was another matter; I had to stop three times to placate him. He finally fell asleep when we were 10 minutes away from home.

Georgie giggled for the first time a few days ago. I have to keep the video camera nearby, just in case he does it again. What a riot he is turning into. Sometimes George & I look at him and look at each other and shake our heads in amazement at this gift we have been given. It’s given me a whole new understanding of what God’s love for us might be like. You know how your mother always said, “You’ll understand when you have children”? Well, she was right. My favorite thing is when he smiles in his sleep. He feels safe and happy, even in his dreams. What more could a mother ask for than to know her child feels loved and protected? Seeing that helps to soothe the worry that I don’t know what I’m doing.

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